Crazy like a bedbug!

I swear, the more I stay here, the more I feel myself slipping back into a place I don't want to go.

I just kicked in my mom's door, because my little brother is being a fucking twat. Sometimes I just flat out hate him.

I was out shopping with the supermodel(aka my mother) yesterday, and I start thumbing through swimsuits. The queen of all that is anorexic/bulimic then goes on to start saying that I'm too fat for a swimsuit. WELL EXCUSE ME FOR FUCKING EATING, AND NOT THROWING IT THE FUCK UP.

My neighbor is complaining about my cat (that's not really mine, I've posted about this before... it's not mine, because I'm never there to take care of it, but yet, when it needs something, or causes trouble, it's mine. Go figure.) chasing the birds in her yard. He's a cat. A young cat, at that. He's going to chase birds. I don't know what the hell she expects him to do, sit around and have tea with him?

We could keep him in the house, but then King of all that is Whiney (aka my dad) would whine that zomg there's a cat in the house zomg blahblahblah WHINE!!!!

It shouldn't be that hard to move the birdfeeder so the cat can't jump to it. Fuck, I'll buy her a cat-proof bird feeder. I can't control what my cat does if I'm not there, and certainly not while he's outside.

I don't know why I keep saying he's "my" cat, given that when I want it to be my cat, I'm never there to take care of it, so there's no way it could be my cat.

Now she asks if there's somewhere I want to go or something I want to do.

I want to be the fuck away from here. FOREVER.

The more I stay here, the more I want to hurt myself. She volunteers me for things at times, because she said blahblahblah, so I should do it when she said I'd do it. Regardless of what the hell I'm doing for the day. When I say that I don't feel like doing it today, she bitches and bitches that she told so and so that I'd do it today. When I tell her that "I REALLY don't feel up to it today", SHE FUCKING ACCUSES ME OF WHINING!!!

She's trying to use the keys to get into my room... but I have both of them in here.

I try to be a good person, I try to do well by everyone, and whenever I'm home, it bites me in the ass. There's nothing I could do here that's good except for die.

Even then, people would bitch about it. They'd find a reason. It'd be my fault. It's ALWAYS my fault. No matter what. Someone could break into the house and kill me, it'd still be my fault. No matter what, it's my fault. I'm sure they can find a way to blame the shootings, Falwell's death, and any other "disaster" on me. (Falwell's death isn't really a disaster, but since they pretty much eat his shit as gold...)

She always tries to guilt me, she's "always been" " a loving mother", "supportive", other bullshit that's only halfway true. She only loves me if I've lost weight, and even then, that lasts for a day before she starts bitching that I'm fat. Sure, she's supportive financially, but other wise... no. She's always criticizing me, comparing what I do to other people... She's never really supportive.

But yet, I'm not allowed to get upset, lest I be moody. WHY THE HELL IS IT THAT I'M ALWAYS "MOODY"??? It can't be that someone's angered me, or they've just been plain awful, no, it's that I'm "moody".

I hate it here so much...

Of course, again, it's always my fault. They seem to think that they're not capable of upsetting me, always that it's someone else and that I'm "taking it out on them".

Such. Fucking. Bullshit.

They don't care, it's obvious, I wish they'd stop acting like they did.

I'm not fond of my brother either. Right now he's acting like a diva. He should get what he wants when he wants it and he shouldn't have to work for it.

Some people just don't have a clue.
» Southern on 2007-05-22 07:55:21

stop being nice
if they say you are being moody, start actually being moody. yell and scream!
» C00kie on 2007-05-22 10:00:29

moody, huh?
Riiight. Like how my opinions don't count because of my age and thus, are irrelevant, unimportant, and a side-effect of teenager-ism. "It'll pass. It's jus a phase!" Pbbbt.
» Silver-dot- on 2007-05-23 12:44:29

Sounds like the world sucks for a several people today. :/
» randomjunk on 2007-05-23 02:04:28

I send my love to you. I feel for you. I used to argue with my mom all the time. Now that I'm a mom myself it's not AS bad, but it's not always "peachy" either. Just be thankful you have a room to lock yourself in =)
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